Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I am allergic to one of the three new meds I was prescribed... itchiness all over. The new wonderful task is to figure out just which one it is! I love trial and error with pharmaceuticals! The good realization is that I haven't had a minor illness in a while... you know, the colds and flus, and digestive stuff I'd get at least once in October (usually twice), again in December, again in February, and again in May. (Not to say that won't pick up again... I think I've moved out of the little league and am now playing in the minors... not something I'm proud of, just a thought).
As a side note, I'm trying to grapple with how to appropriately celebrate the upcoming holiday. I've never been on for religious Pomp and Circumstance. Ritual's not my thing. I'm more into having a certain moral standard and trying my hardest to live by it rather than practicing special rites. But, having said that, it's been a while since I've formally observed a major holiday, and I it may be good for me to connect a little more. Hmmmm. I may have to think more on this one.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
So Being a Supervisor Sucks! (not totally because I really like the job and being able to make some really good changes). This whole not being able to talk about things is really hard, and I'm actually really, really, really afraid I'll let something slip and get myself fired. (I was the kid who couldn't keep a secret: birthday presents, Christmas, whatever... still working on it) I'm way too open, and I'm just not close with the other supervisors yet. That's why they were always in their little club... they can't properly vent to anyone else.
Well, anyway. Tomorrow is a new day! I will awake with a good attitude about the changes about to happen. I be a friggin beacon of positivity. I will not let this person effect me anymore or bring down the mood of my team. We will be strong. We will survive. And we will outlast. (woah... channeling Bill Pullman from Independence Day for a second).
I think my new mantra will come from Avenue Q. The final song is very eastern philosophy. "Only For Now" is about how everything in life is only temporary... the suckiness as well as the good stuff, and it's words to live by. It helps you get through the tough times and helps you to appreciate the good times, because neither last forever.
"And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid, for now."
"But Only for Now!"
Monday, December 8, 2008
So I need everyone's help. I may not realize I'm getting stupider (hmmmm.... is using the word stupider a symptom of stupidity?) so watch out for me and *gently* let me know!
Friday, December 5, 2008
So by last night, I could move around without anything hurting, hooray! But I had started my new meds, one of which causes dizziness, at least for the first few days. I would have gone to work this morning if not for that, but it's a good thing I didn't. By noon, my spinal pressure was back with a vengeance. I started my second med today which should really help with that pain. Hopefully I'll be right as rain by Monday.
I'll be on those two meds plus a diuretic for 3-6 months, getting checked by my doctors to see if the swelling goes down. Chances are, I'll hear on Monday that my lab work was fine and that what I do have is Pseudo-Tumor.
I do want to thank all of my friends who have been so caring and supportive. Everyone's been great to me and I appreciate it.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Good night, Bax out.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
1) Jen has intracranial pressure
2) Jen does not have a tumor
3) Jen needs a spinal tap
So I go back tomorrow at 1pm for the lumbar puncture. I'm a little nervous, but I expect it will be sort-of like my epidurals: how painful, or pain-free, it is depends on the skill of the one doing it. So I hope this old guy has some wicked-awesome skillz.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I was a butterfly fairy.
Olivia helping to make Mummy-dogs
Friday, November 21, 2008
So the family and I went to the eye doctor, and amongst the myriad of tests, they dilated my eyes to check out the insides. Come to find out my optic nerves were swollen and the ophthalmologist said it may be caused by intracranial pressure. Thursday I saw a retinal specialist to take a closer look. (Possibly the most evil of professions... just above proctology. They dilated my eyes and proceded to shine just about as much light as possible into them. It should be added the the list of torture not allowed in this country, along with water boarding... I digress.) So the retina doctor confirmed my funny optic nerves are due to intracranial swelling and not eye disease. (And I thought my nearly-constant headache for the last three months was due to becoming a supervisor!). The two possible causes are Brain Tumor and Pseudo Brain Tumor. Whoa.
So I had two MRI's today and I see a Neurologist soon. The retina lady said she doesn't think it's a Brain Tumor (aka Arnold,"I don't have a tumah"). The pseudo tumor cerebri involves having too much cerebrospinal fluid and will be confirmed with a spinal tap and can be treated with meds and/or surgery, but it could come back.
Scary, huh? I'm trying hard not to worry... there's no sense in it yet, and we'll have a plan once we know what it is. What really scares me is it might not have been caught. I just happened to decide that I want a better eye exam than WalMart (with my family history and all) and this new doctor, randomly picked from the spectera website, routinely checks for these things. I would have never paid any attention to my headaches as an actual symptom. Probably not until I would have noticed a loss in vision.
Well, I probably won't know anything until after I see the neurologist in over a week... it's a long time to be brave, so think good thoughts for me!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Which brings me to my second thought. People are talking too much about Palin for my liking, and it worries me. And it's not that anyone is saying anything that I don't disagree with. Most people find her as scary as I do. My worry is the excitement level for Obama isn't what it used to be. We need to be talking about him... not Satan. They have got to do something to generate some enthusiasm again... get people talking again. He's got my vote, but unfortunately, I don't get to pick. (Wouldn't that be great if I could?)
Friday, September 12, 2008
If the real think don't do the trick, You'd better think of something quick, Your'e gonna burn,burn, burn to the wick.... Oooh, Baracuda
P.S. Does anyone else suspect that the new "Steve" for Journey doesn't know any English, except for the lyrics and "Thank you Indianapolis!"?
Thursday, September 4, 2008
She's the devil.
(Pretty big statement given my neo-Pagan roots and not believing in the devil and all). Let's see... exploiting her special-needs son, trashing civil rights as well as the economy and the environment.... I could go on. With all of the talk about the controversies of her past, I wonder... What the hell were they thinking?
But I think I have figured out the real scheme behind her nomination. I think the Republicans figured out that there is enough Bush-hate to spill over and ruin it for the rest of the party... they also are against women's rights in general... so, why not name the devil as veep and blame her when the campaign tanks? That way they can later say.... Look, this is what happens when you let the little girl run with the big dogs! Sneaky... but would they really do something so underhanded to further their agenda? Wait. They have... like in Iraq.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
All they see is poor dad. Julius is halfway to an ulcer worrying about how his dad was going to be able to find a job, how dad was going to be homeless when he comes back to Indy, and how dad might go to jail. Olivia cried all the way home and is now asking to do extra chores so she can save her money to help dad get an apartment. They shouldn't be going through this... he's teaching them how to be enablers. He starts to look like he is going to get his act together, but within months it's the same old excuses. Him screwing up all of the time doesn't hurt me. I've come to expect only pathetic attempts at adulthood. And I'm pretty sure the kids will figure all of this out on their own one day, but that day will really suck for them. I remember my "aha" moment, but I don't think it was worse for me because my father was never around to begin with. I think it will be worse for them.
So, what do I do? One of my biggest fears is that Julius will become him and Olivia will marry him. It's a powerful cycle. I didn't grow up around my dad and yet I managed to find a guy just like him. All I can do is keep talking to them about choices and hope Ryan has some sort of influence.
Okay, so that's enough. Two posts in a row is a lot for me to delving into heavy-hitting emotion. Maybe next time I'll write about my bug again. Her butt has gotten huge!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
First, I'm kinda pleased with myself right about now. While my husband may see me as a confident, take-no-shit, "Are you certain you want to talk to me with that tone?", stand-up kind of woman, I have not always been so. It has only been through my experience with my ex-husband that I have developed a spine. Knowing how far I allowed myself to be kept down really makes me appreciate my own voice and my ability to make a different choice. Ryan knows with no uncertainty how I expect him to treat me... and he does treat me very well. But... there has always been a residual fear when it comes to my ex. Oppression is a tough thing to kick, even 8 years after I left him. I'm not sure how, but I still have difficulty asserting myself with that man. I know I have no need to be timid... heck... I could literally break him if need be. I find myself being overly accommodating, which was never extended to me... ever. Well tonight I had a bit of a break-through. I had been talking with him for the last week about plans to bring the kids back home from West Virginia, and as per usual, he spent a lot of time talking about plans and excuses. Tonight I decided to take the reins and tell him what the plans are going to be. No anger... no attitude... just fact. I'm coming to get them Saturday because they have to be home by Sunday. No wondering about when they'll come home... no waiting on him to make a decision and then change it at the last minute...no relying on him to have gas money. He responded well... "Um... alright." So this is hopefully the first of many positive experiences in dealing with him.
So the other thing. Tanya had some free sneak-preview passes to see "Swing Vote" so we went. I'm not a Kevin Costner fan, so I probably would have never seen it... even on cable. But, I'm glad I went. I really enjoyed it and it actually stimulated some thought. Gist: Some drunken slob gets the opportunity to cast the deciding ballot in the Presidential race that is completely tied up. Unlikely... but it definitely showed an exaggeration of political pandering that has most of America distrustful of politics. Drunken slob says to a reporter that he thinks gay people should be allowed to marry; next scene shows the republican president in a commercial discussing his commitment for equal rights for gays. Very funny. The democratic candidate did commercials against immigration and abortion... equally funny. But how far from the truth is it really? I mean, I get a good feeling about Obama... but do warm fuzzies mean he is sincere about what he says? I'm definitely going with my feeling because I was right about dub-ya.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
It's the mid-staycation point and I thought I'd give all you viewers at home an update. I'm happy to report I've not done nearly as much as I had intended. The plan was to deep clean, paint, and make ready for carpeting. After much internal struggle, I decided I was not going to keep my family from missing out on all the fun, so I've been doing lighter cleaning, laundry, and playing in facepaint. I seriously feel I have found my artistic calling... this stuff is so much fun. I wish I had more kids around to practice on, but mine are gone and I don't know my neighbors.
So as most of you already know, I'm replacing Tobi as supervisor. I got the official job offer on Monday. It's very exciting, but I'm also a little freaked-out as well. The whole FSS thing gives me the willies, but I'm sure I'll manage.
The remainder of my week will probably be spent loafing around doing as little as possible, but still being productive (it's kinda my mantra). I'll lunch with mom at Bugsy's tomorrow on the canal and maybe do some shopping. My niece is having a birthday party on Saturday, which should be fun. Then, painting the living room with the whole family on Sunday! Yea!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
We went to Ryan's family reunion this weekend. I love his family! The cool thing is I got my first real-world test-drive of the new face paint. VERY COOL! I absolutely love this stuff and the kids had a ball (I have to do something to compete with the cool new aunt!!!). It was so much fun and I was able to see two problems: paint near the mouth doesn't hold up for long, and it took me over an hour to do 11 faces. So... we'll have to stay away from the mouths and work quicker, boy I need to practice. But I do love this stuff. I really think Lana and I could get into this... So if I get fired for not meeting productivity standards, I have something to fall back on!
On a sadder note... my day-lillies are all still droopy and three of my ground-cover plants have died. My mother-in-law gave me some advice, but I have to wait for the weekend to do anything. Hopefully they can hold out... I've been saying to them "don't you die on me!" because it works in the movies!