Thursday, July 30, 2009

Jennifer is a Whiiiiiiiiiner

It almost always seems to happen that when I feel so much that I need to blog about it, it changes. I did so much better today. Although as I write this my back aches a little more and I've probably just jinxed myself.

Good news. Partigras is appearing at The Taste of Downtown, courtesy of Easley Winery. Mad props to stellar wine makers and wine seller Janice!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Tired and Scared

I started writing this to my daily strength buddy, but decided I was really journaling, so here it belongs.
I see my doc in a week. Hopefully there will be something to report. I've noticed more cognitive things... aphasia, spatial awareness, confusion. Only enough that I, or someone who pays attention, would notice. Instead of saying Pinball, I said, "we can play, you know, that game, flippers on the sides, lights, bing bing, ball" then someone in the meeting got it. It's like random games of Password. I have new bruises all over my legs from running into my desk. Yes, I've always been a klutz, but this is different. I'm not tripping on anything, I'm just barely making the edge of a desk or something and glancing the edge. And I get these moments where I completely forget what is going on... thinking to myself "I'm looking at a stack of paper, I had a reason to go to it, Oh yea, I needed to find a paper, what paper, um, it was for Tanya, okay, what did I need for Tanya, um, um, she's waiting on me and I don't remember what I'm looking for, God this is scary oh, it was X in that stack over there." I have even forgotten again when I got to the second stack. I just stopped a moment to think about how many times it happens, but I don't really know. I can only think of a few times where I had that thought process, but I know I've had the moments of being lost but it wasn't in the middle of something where someone was watching and I had to "perform." I have a really hard time reading, and that's a big part of my job. Something about reading the narrative about the home visit, don't know if it's the eye movement, tilt of the head, engaging the brain for comprehension, or what, but within 10 minutes my HA goes from 5 to 8. So, I now reprint the narratives in 18pt font on soft yellow paper. Just started on Monday and it seems to help some. Otherwise, I'm not sure how I'm going to keep up (I have a new employee starting on Monday and one coming off maternity leave the following week). It's hard to be in the position to have to decide if you are able to continue to work when you really want to continue. I'm going to hold on as long as I possibly can and hope it will get better. I love my job too much, I need the insurance, and my family needs the income. My doc will have an answer because he has to.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

I gots a Blog!... Well, Another One!

I finally started the facepainting blog... link's on the side bar... everyone needs to check it out... send links to everyone they know... and send us some bidness!!! Like Ryan said today, "When the going gets tough, the tough go Pro."

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wed. Night White People Group

I'm a little proud of myself right about now.

I've got the amiable personality, so I'll put my feelings and opinions aside when dealing with others. What I think has nothing to do with how I treat you or even what I allow you to think of me. What you think of me is really none of my business.

Now, let's add religion. I rarely speak of my personal religious beliefs, unless it is with someone I can have a more theoritical discussion and not a passionate-dogmatic argument. No one person will change another's mind. This is why I usually smile and nod when anyone starts peddling their particular brand of salvation.

Problem is I find it terribly disrespectful. Imagine I walk up to someone who isn't Caucasian, Female, American, Democrat, Heterosexual, Red-Hair-Dyer, Harry Potter Nut-Job, or any other cultural affilitian, and take it upon myself to convince them, unasked, why they should become like me. "Hi, I'm in your neighborhood to invite you to a Wednesday Night group meeting. It is to teach you about being White and to help you overcome the temptations of being Black. Come on down!" It could get me shot. (Why? Because there is nothing wrong with being Black... see the analogy yet?) So, why then is it okay and presumed necessary for some Christians to insult in a similar manner?

So now what brought me to this rant. I belong to a support group for people that have my disease. It's actually been really wonderful. I would reccommend everyone check out Daily Strenth (it's on my side-bar >>>) there's something for everyone. Well, we have a new member. A lady who has a 9 year old daughter who has been recently diagnosed. She posted asking a few questions and I was the first to answer. We are all very supportive and help each other. Today she sent me an email through the group asking more questions about medicine side effects, and then proceded to write a book about Jesus, how she was lost, how she hopes I find Jesus, and ended a blurb about the "gift of pain" leading to salvation.

How friggin disrespectful!

Normally, I smile and nod, and go about my day. Seriously annoyed, but oh well. This time I did something. I established boundaries. I am so proud! Here's what I wrote back, after I addressed all of the IIH questions:

For me, Daily strengh is a place for support, tolerance, and understanding, and so it is in that spirit that I feel I need to address the remainder of your email. Diversity abounds in the world as well as in this group, so please understand how someone might find religious peddling disrespectful, as I do. I don't believe it was your intent, you seem like a good person. My personal relationship with God is just that: personal.

Then I went on to talk about her daughter's health again and wish her well. No ill will, just some personal boundaries. I'm pretty proud of myself.