Tuesday, December 8, 2009

It's been a while, dear friends

I'm feebly pecking out letters on the blackberry tonight, which explains the lack of posting. A while back, I had a dream. It's a long story, so I'll sum up: after completing espinage job at Sam's club, I had to jump an electrified fence controlled by Bill Clinton. I successfully jump fence and land on the floor by my bed, on my laptop and ruin the screen.
It's downstairs now with a regular monitor hooked up, cause it's the only computer that will run Ryan's photo software. But, I haven't felt well enough to spend enough time down there to blog. I'm glad Ryan talked me into blackberry, my connection to webs.
So I feel I've gotten worse with IIH. My old strategies don't work. I'm seeking a shunt, and praying it works. The pain gets so severe, and I can't stand the nausea. I never thought I would get to the place where the potential benefit would outweigh the risk of surgery, or just doing nothing. It's only a 50% chance that it will work on my pain, but it's a chance.
My children are still struggling. They are seeing a counselor now, so hopefully that will help. Julius asked why I don't love him, and he's the biggest reason I'm getting this surgery. It's not fair that I'm not here for them. I'm completely spent after work with nothing left for my kids, and they deserve more. So I have some tough decisions to make if this doesn't work. They want to go live with their father, and I'd let them at this point if he could take care of them.
Painting is going really well, but again, my health is holding me back. I won a forum challenge, and submitted a how-to to a magazine and they said they would use it. I feel like I'm getting better, I just need to use it.
Ryan was dx with fibro myalgia, and he hides it from me. But, he is working again, and I think I'm going to like it. One of our dreams as a couple is to travel, and this job is going to really help that one along. I hope to also take the kids somewhere really great. Now it will be possible. That is exciting.

So, Jan 6th is the day I see the neurosurgeon. That is, unless I get bad enough to request a cancellation spot. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

New Follower! Soon I will take over the World!

Yeowzah! Almost three years into the Bloggosphere and I now have three dedicated followers! Welcome!

(I'm aware I have more readers... but none will openly admit to it! lol)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Big Plans

I've been moping a bit, and I can't stand that. The self-pity thing disgusts me, and I can't have it. I have to find a way to stay positive, and when you've hit the end of the medicine road with IIH and you've still got headaches, it gets tough. So what's a girl to do?

She looks to the Zen of the best Puppet Show on Earth: Avenue Q: The Money Song

The more you give. The more you get. That’s being alive!
All I’m asking you Is to do what Jesus Christ would do.
He’d give me a quarter,Why don’t you?

I feel generous! I feel compassionate!

You do?

Yeah! I feel like a new person - a good person!
Helping other people out makes you feel fantastic!

That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you-

All this time I’ve been running around thinking about me, me, me - and where has it gotten me! I’m gonna do something for someone else!

And so here I am, looking to puppets to help me find my philosophy yet again. But it's a good one. Betsy saw the IHRF video I posted on facebook and offered to help me organize a fundraiser. That struck a real chord. It was the right offer at the right time. Now I have a path... something to work for. Doc says he doesn't have a cure for me... okay, then I'll work to get everyone one. I'll get my friends and family involved, raise awareness, and do some good in the world. It will be good. I have some good ideas.

I've also got some ideas for the foundation in general. I learned this week that cystic fibrosis is also a rare disease (rare is defined by number of diagnosed patients). But, most Americans don't think of it as rare because most have heard of it before. That's because the cystic fibrosis people have been good at awareness and advocacy. Awareness = political clout = money = research. I also think the foundation needs ambassadors across the country. Help with answering questions, referring to neurologists, answering questions for family, making phone calls to hospital administrators and patient advocates. (Many IIH patients get called drug seekers in ERs because pain meds don't touch the pain... that label is hard to shake). Anyway... there's a lot to be done. Gotta start somewhere.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Year in Review

Sometimes I write things in other places and think to myself, "This needs to go in your blog." This happened to me today. A new member of my IIH group sent me an email asking some specific questions, and I sent a prettly lengthy response. Towards the end, I realized that I had pretty much summed up my existance for the last year (minus personals) and it might help others get it, the people who care about me.

So a little back knowledge. A lot of people who are newly diagnosed have a real hard time with "No cure" and "Don't know the cause." Understandable. "If you don't know what caused this, how do I know this is what I really have?" The woman I'm responding to just had her spinal tap and has had two weeks without a headache, which is pretty common. She's a quart low on CSF and her body is slow on replacing it. It only took me two days to get headaches again. Anyway, she hopes that she is now in remission because she once read that for some it is a one time deal. She is also wondering if headaches come and go. The people who post to the group are often a lot worse off than I am... going blind, can't work, spinal taps in the ER, no insurance, or don't really understand how to best utilize the medical field (will go to ER when pain is severe, not call doc).

So here it is... and it's long.

Hi! Glad to help! I think often that I'm not as bad as a lot of people here. I can keep a job and go to work every day. It's actually better for me to. I have more to do during the day when I work to keep me occupied... not paying attention to my symptoms. The past week I've felt cruddy and more sorry for myself. Bad place to be. Usually I'm better at staying positive. I'm kinda frustrated with my husband and house right now too. I took a mental health day today for stress. Hopefully I'll be my plucky self in no time.

It seems like you are into research... so this is about to be long. Have my story:

Okay. My first step was in October when i went in for a regular eye exam. I went to a new place that offered to dialate my eyes, and I hadn't in a while (Glaucoma and other eye diseases run in my family) so I did. That's where they found the papillaedima. Sent me to a retina specialist who sent me to an MRI and a neurologist. In December I had my LP, opening pressure was 30 and I got my official diagnosis.

My symptoms vary from day to day. I have a headache every day, but even it varies. Sometimes behind eyes, or ears, or pushing against jaw and I can feel it in my teeth almost, or top of head or all of head, or neck, or all of spine, or neck and radiating out across shoulders. Today I have vertigo pretty bad. Fatigue. Sensitivity to heat. Sensitivity to light and noise, but not like with migraines where it makes my head hurt... its more like an annoyance. So, irritability too? Aphasia (can't locate words I'm looking for), spatial awareness issues (I have bruises all over), confusion. I sleep a lot more when I hurt. Good news is I don't get all of this at once!

Let me take you back a little. I was promoted to supervisor in August and about the same time I noticed daily headaches. I thought it was related to stress or the lighting in my new office, but the headaches were different than I'd ever had. Not tension exactly. Not migraine. (CSF in skull). I've pretty much had a headache ever since. But, I've only had to call into work 4 days since my diagnosis... pretty good, I'd say.

Back a little more. For the previous year or so I thought I was developing arthritis in my neck. It would get stiff and sore and the joints would pop, especially before a rain. (This is CSF pressure in spine) The summer prior to this I had to stop taking the stairs at work (3rd floor of a warehouse-turned-office) because when i got to the top I had a blinding, pulsing pain like something is about to burst out of the top of my head. (This would be exercise intolerance and increased blood pressure increasing the amount of fluid and pressure in my head)

I really don't remember when the wooshing in my ears started, so it must have been after I began learning about PTC, or it would have freaked me out, so I'd guess November ish. If my BP goes up... anger or exercise, I get a little of it, but not like before.

Way back.... like 7 years ago. This may or may not be related to PTC, but some other members here have had similar experiences. I was 26. I gained 40 pounds for no reason. No change in diet or activity. I began having night sweats and fatigue. My period went all wonkey... 3 week cycle then 7 weeks. I had myself convinced that it was perimenapause, but my doc tested for it and thyroid, but both were fine and my symptoms were dismissed. I have the personal belief that this is where the disease started for me, but don't have any medical backing for it so I don't tell everyone I've had it for 7 years. (You can have PTC without headaches, which may be why I think I do better than others).

I don't mind talking about birth control. I actually got my IUD in August when my headaches started. The retina doc said I should think about removing it (retina doc is not a neuro-opthamologist) since they correlate. I mentioned my IUD (Mirena) to my neurologist, but he didn't have a problem with it. Secondary IH with the Norplant, or with Oral contraceptives have way more hormone than IUD and goes through your whole system. IUD is delivered directly to your uterus. I also talked with my GYN about it. I've known her since she was a resident and she had a PTC patient when she rotated in neurology and we talked about it for a while. She also didn't think I needed to remove it.

Weight is always a touchy subject, but as we are friends now :) I've never gained or lost weight as a result of my actions (hard to believe but true, that's why I need help). The 40 I just lost was not a conscious effort on my part either. Two of my meds list "anorexia" or "appetite suppressant" as side effects. Until the diamox was discontinued a few weeks ago, I barely moved, so I bet the 40 pounds have been muscle loss. Since I've stopped "losing weight", I have lost two more pant sizes, so I'm happy. It tells me I'm getting my muscle tone back and getting smaller. People around here get all worked up when you start talking about weight. There just isn't enough good research. Did PTC cause me to gain weight? Did my weight cause PTC? Who knows? Fact is, my BMI is still high. I can't say it's BS until I'm a size 6 and still having symptoms. Like I said, it's all I can do at this point. I used to want a shunt so bad, then a lot of people here got them and I got a reminder of what that road is like.

And so I finish the email with some other tips for newbies.

So some other Year in Review info.
There are no meds to help with the headaches, dispite that I've had a million med changes, so here goes. Since Mid-December:
1. Start Diamox, Topamax, Lasix
2. Stop everything, Start anti-allergy med.
3. Restart Lasix
4. Restart Diamox
5. Start Verapamil and Zonegran
6. Stops working, add another Zonegran
7. Stops working, add another Verapamil
8. Stops working, add another Zonegran
9. I want to exercise sometime, add Indomethicin PRN (doesn't work at all)
10. Stops working, add Effexor
11. Start passing out, stop Diamox
12. Increase Effexor
13. Increase Effexor
14. I'm dizzy, add Antivert PRN today
..... and I'm still miserable.

I feel stuck. The last post sounds suicidal, and I'm not. I don't need my friends to come at me with lethality assessments (and I have had someone do that once in the past). I feel a lack of choices and that's my problem.

Maybe a nap will help.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Disappointment and a Prom Dress

Part of me wants to be done now. There's nothing more to say, I've reached the end of the medicinal intervention road, and it doesn't really matter anyway. There's nothing they can do. It doesn't help to talk about what's going on. I feel like I'm whining, and almost always someone attempts to negate my concerns. (I'm sure it's an attempt to make me feel better, but what it does is say, you have no reason to be worried so shut up). I don't expect someone to come up with something profound that makes me feel good about my situation. But if I can't process what's going on in my mind, I'll end up in a very dark place. It would be really great if I could get someone to truly understand, someone who isn't an on-line buddy thousands of miles away. I've just had a really wierd health day, but it doesn't matter because I just have to get used to it.

On a lighter note, I took Olivia shopping today for a few school things. We were at Value World and before we checked out, I took her over to the formal wear for a little fun where she fell in love with a cute prom dress. I had to buy it for her because she still likes to play dress up sometimes and it looked really cute on her. She was really patient with me today as I struggled with vertigo, and I'm very thankful for that.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Jennifer is a Whiiiiiiiiiner

It almost always seems to happen that when I feel so much that I need to blog about it, it changes. I did so much better today. Although as I write this my back aches a little more and I've probably just jinxed myself.

Good news. Partigras is appearing at The Taste of Downtown, courtesy of Easley Winery. Mad props to stellar wine makers and wine seller Janice!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Tired and Scared

I started writing this to my daily strength buddy, but decided I was really journaling, so here it belongs.
I see my doc in a week. Hopefully there will be something to report. I've noticed more cognitive things... aphasia, spatial awareness, confusion. Only enough that I, or someone who pays attention, would notice. Instead of saying Pinball, I said, "we can play, you know, that game, flippers on the sides, lights, bing bing, ball" then someone in the meeting got it. It's like random games of Password. I have new bruises all over my legs from running into my desk. Yes, I've always been a klutz, but this is different. I'm not tripping on anything, I'm just barely making the edge of a desk or something and glancing the edge. And I get these moments where I completely forget what is going on... thinking to myself "I'm looking at a stack of paper, I had a reason to go to it, Oh yea, I needed to find a paper, what paper, um, it was for Tanya, okay, what did I need for Tanya, um, um, she's waiting on me and I don't remember what I'm looking for, God this is scary oh, it was X in that stack over there." I have even forgotten again when I got to the second stack. I just stopped a moment to think about how many times it happens, but I don't really know. I can only think of a few times where I had that thought process, but I know I've had the moments of being lost but it wasn't in the middle of something where someone was watching and I had to "perform." I have a really hard time reading, and that's a big part of my job. Something about reading the narrative about the home visit, don't know if it's the eye movement, tilt of the head, engaging the brain for comprehension, or what, but within 10 minutes my HA goes from 5 to 8. So, I now reprint the narratives in 18pt font on soft yellow paper. Just started on Monday and it seems to help some. Otherwise, I'm not sure how I'm going to keep up (I have a new employee starting on Monday and one coming off maternity leave the following week). It's hard to be in the position to have to decide if you are able to continue to work when you really want to continue. I'm going to hold on as long as I possibly can and hope it will get better. I love my job too much, I need the insurance, and my family needs the income. My doc will have an answer because he has to.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

I gots a Blog!... Well, Another One!

I finally started the facepainting blog... link's on the side bar... everyone needs to check it out... send links to everyone they know... and send us some bidness!!! Like Ryan said today, "When the going gets tough, the tough go Pro."

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wed. Night White People Group

I'm a little proud of myself right about now.

I've got the amiable personality, so I'll put my feelings and opinions aside when dealing with others. What I think has nothing to do with how I treat you or even what I allow you to think of me. What you think of me is really none of my business.

Now, let's add religion. I rarely speak of my personal religious beliefs, unless it is with someone I can have a more theoritical discussion and not a passionate-dogmatic argument. No one person will change another's mind. This is why I usually smile and nod when anyone starts peddling their particular brand of salvation.

Problem is I find it terribly disrespectful. Imagine I walk up to someone who isn't Caucasian, Female, American, Democrat, Heterosexual, Red-Hair-Dyer, Harry Potter Nut-Job, or any other cultural affilitian, and take it upon myself to convince them, unasked, why they should become like me. "Hi, I'm in your neighborhood to invite you to a Wednesday Night group meeting. It is to teach you about being White and to help you overcome the temptations of being Black. Come on down!" It could get me shot. (Why? Because there is nothing wrong with being Black... see the analogy yet?) So, why then is it okay and presumed necessary for some Christians to insult in a similar manner?

So now what brought me to this rant. I belong to a support group for people that have my disease. It's actually been really wonderful. I would reccommend everyone check out Daily Strenth (it's on my side-bar >>>) there's something for everyone. Well, we have a new member. A lady who has a 9 year old daughter who has been recently diagnosed. She posted asking a few questions and I was the first to answer. We are all very supportive and help each other. Today she sent me an email through the group asking more questions about medicine side effects, and then proceded to write a book about Jesus, how she was lost, how she hopes I find Jesus, and ended a blurb about the "gift of pain" leading to salvation.

How friggin disrespectful!

Normally, I smile and nod, and go about my day. Seriously annoyed, but oh well. This time I did something. I established boundaries. I am so proud! Here's what I wrote back, after I addressed all of the IIH questions:

For me, Daily strengh is a place for support, tolerance, and understanding, and so it is in that spirit that I feel I need to address the remainder of your email. Diversity abounds in the world as well as in this group, so please understand how someone might find religious peddling disrespectful, as I do. I don't believe it was your intent, you seem like a good person. My personal relationship with God is just that: personal.

Then I went on to talk about her daughter's health again and wish her well. No ill will, just some personal boundaries. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Career Change!

And while anyone who already knows may think I am speaking of my husband who lost his job last week, I'm not talking about him. I had so much fun painting those kids on Friday. My head was okay. The heat wasn't so bad until the sun moved, and even that wasn't too bad. And it's something I'm good at and can get better at. It's a shame I need insurance. And steady income. And I like my coworkers. And I need something to do everyday. But one day I will be able to book some work! One day!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Truth in Advertising?

The Banana Boat commercial depicts a yellow umbrella (much like the insurance company, but theirs is red). This umbrella, I presume, is to illustrate how the banana boat line of suncare products protects us from the sun, much like the shade from a big yellow umbrella would if it were constantly floating overhead. Problem: none of the umbrellas pictured actually provided any shade, therefore protection, from the sun. Would this be subliminal or Freudian truth in advertising?

Just a thought, I'm going back to bed now.
Bax out.

Monday, May 11, 2009

And So are the Days of Our Lives

Shit, spoke too soon. Wouldn't you know it, the very next day I began to feel worse, and it's been a steady downhill since. Doesn't help I've had a parade of people trying thier damndest to raise my BP so the dome of my skull explodes and my eyeballs pop out of my head like some cartoon. I think I may need to excuse myself from all family functions for the rest of my life.

My eye appt went well, which means nothing is damaged, but I still have the papilledima. This is good news. Although I now wonder when I will reach the ceiling of the effectiveness or safety in dosing of my meds. I'm now noticing a pattern with my meds, and I bet he can only increase my doses just so much. We'll just have to wait and see.

Odd bit of happenings occurred over the weekend. Julius asked me to hang out with him. I had to take Olivia to a friend's house for a sleep-over, and Julius asked me if I wanted to go skateboarding with him. I said I'd love to, even though my head hurt cause this never happens, as long as I didn't have to do the skateboarding. We went to the elementary school parking lot, stayed for a little over an hour, and it was good.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


I realize I have become one of those one-dimentional individuals that can only talk about one topic on their blog. I take refuge in the fact that I talk about other things on facebook and in actual conversations.

Anyway, I feel like I'm doing better. The moderate to severe pain is only a few times a week. I don't have the tinnitus (sonagram sounding heartbeat in my ears) when I lay down. I used to wake everyday with a headache, now it doesn't start until I've been up for an hour. My head hurts all day, but its now like a "white noise" and I can work through it. Better still, I feel like myself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still a little freaked out. My vision acts a little wierd sometimes. I always feel better weeks 2-5 of new meds before I start feeling bad again. I'm very paranoid when I can't think of a word, or picture an intersection, or spell something, or cuss like a sailor. One of my friends from the support group is about to get a VP shunt, like the one in the video. If I end up needing one, this is what I want... but what a hairy ordeal. Requires at least three incisions: head, neck, and abdomen. Scary. I didn't look for cool animation for the eyeball surgery... DO NOT WANT! But hopefully, I won't need this and avoid a shaved head.

This may be a lifetime ordeal... I am trying to get a handle on quality of life issues. I saw someone who's had it for 28 years. I'm not sure this is how I want to live for the next year, let alone the rest of my life. Hmmm.

Friday, April 10, 2009

What stage of grief is anger?

I've lost nearly 30 lbs. since August. Woah. Thirty Pounds. I barely move anymore, but I also barely eat anymore, so it took 30 lbs to actually get any smaller (and I'm not really smaller). I bought my first shirt that was a size smaller over the weekend. Funny thing is, I had to buy my other two shirts and two pair of pants the usual size cause I haven't shrunk that much. What is really sad is that the last time I weighed this, I was two sizes smaller. It's hard to get my head around. More so, it's hard to get excited. I'm more into working on self-acceptance, and those people (of all sizes) who would rather be sick than fat annoy me. If I talk about this (weird weight-loss) out loud, I get congratulations (fair enough I guess), but I've had people call me lucky. I'm in constant pain and I'm scared shitless, but I'm lucky. I'm losing weight without doing anything, so I'm not really getting smaller, so I've lost 30 lbs of muscle, and when I do start taking off fat it will likely leave behind nasty bags of elephant skin, but I'm lucky. Oh yea, and when I am a smaller, nasty, baggy, wrinkly, elephantine looking Jen, I'll still have a chronic illness. Someone else can be lucky, I'd rather be fat.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Man, this sucks

So this has been an insanely bad week. Pain has gotten much worse. My work week was only 2.5 days long, but I seriously questioned my ability to keep my job. I can't decide to just not work... I carry the insurance, not to mention the fact I like my job and I don't want to think about what would happen to me if I didn't have somewhere to go every day. There are people who live with this for years... decades even. Well, they don't work, and they end up on months long waiting lists to see neurologists who accept MCD and get spinal taps in the ER (Highly NOT Recommended). So I found myself saying over and over, "I need a plan." Yeah... I don't have one of those yet, no clue actually. Just "do what you can and let go of the rest" and the fear of the day when that will no longer be good enough.

Anyway, I saw my neurologist on Friday. He's an odd fellow. He seems to be in his 50's and was probably home schooled (no offense). He just lacks social skills, that I would almost peg him for having a personality disorder of sorts. Well, I described how my pain has gotten worse, how I've noticed very subtle vision changes (but I am very hypocondriacical), and the facial tingling. I actually got a reaction out of the facial tingling bit. So he upped the dosage on two of my meds, should take a week to feel better he says. I ask when we will begin to talk about shunt. He said a shunt will happen when it is necessary to save my vision. So, I see my retina dr. in May, but hopefully new med mix will have my pressure down and my eyes will be okay.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Ode to a Hair Cut

I have always said, "To change your life, you must first change your hair." I truly believe it. Sometimes it takes a jolt. A complete change in perspective (which is why I move the furniture around so much) in order to re-focus through the clutter. To change your life, it takes a more re-focusing on yourself. I didn't really need to see myself more clearly, I think I have a good handle on that, I needed to see myself differently. New hair is a way to make vast amounts of change in a very short period. I am different now than I was Saturday Morning. Sure, it's only by the legnth of a few hundred hairs around my face, but what it does for perspective! The image in the mirror is so startlingly different, it changes the lens that I look out at the world through. Boy did I need it, too.

Anyway, here's the new me. My new hair will allow me to not do anything with my hair in the morning and not look like a bum. See, before, I loved my hairstyle but it required work on my part. I stopped doing my hair in the morining becasue I'd end up sitting on the toilet to rest in the middle of blow-drying.... forget about make-up. No time, no energy, and that's if there's no pain. Now I comb it and let it air dry!!!!! If I'm feeling frisky, I put a little styling goop on the ends after it dries to make it piece-y.

Now to bestow much love to my Stylist/counselor. I described, in as much detail as someone who can't summon words anymore can, the hair of someone I saw at Coldstone Creamery. I also showed her a picture I found that had the "feeling" of what it was like. Then I told her my morning needs. The wonderful artistry of Akasha is that my haircut doesn't look like the chick from Coldstone, or like the picture, or like what I was almost thinking (although I didn't have a completely formed thought). What Akasha gave me was Me, and I love it. Other hair-cutters would have just cut my hair like the chick in the picture, and it would not look as good on me as the 85 lb blonde sprite who was wearing it originally. Yay Akasha for knowing what I need when I only vaguely know what I want!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Hi, My Name Is Jennifer......... Hi Jennifer.

Well I've done it. I found an honest-to-goodness support group online and I joined. Even posted. This is big for me cause I'm a lurker usually. I'm just having such a hard time with this whole chronic disease thing. Especially this whole chronic-but-you-look-and-sometimes-act-normal-disease. Having grown up around people who really get into the "Sick Role," I can't stand the pity party (although I admit to whining about cramps... but they're cramps and totally unfair!). I don't want a pity-party. I want understanding. When I say it feels like my brain is trying to push out of my left ear... I'm not exaggerating. It really does feel that way. And yes. On most days we would have a mess if I were to have an ice pick and a spigot lying around. Ok... the spigot was going a bit too far... but I have seriously had ice pick ideation. McGyvering a drain with a pen casing. Something that will make this go away. I digress.

There is someting powerful in "me too." I need community, and with only 1 in 100,000, I might only be able to find 6 or 7 people to befriend in Indy. Well, I stumbled across Daily Strength when I was research shunt placement. It has support groups for everything, including IIH. There was a message board about how people are coping with employment and dealing with the disease. There was this one lady who is a middle school teacher. She has trouble keeping up with reading the assignments (that sounded familiar), focus problems (that too), but she also talked about how she can't remember her students' names anymore. How sad. Just about everyone who posted didn't work and talked about how they couldn't imagine how someone would be able to hold down a job. One guy said he can't even climb the stairs in his house, let alone work. The climbing the stairs comment made me feel better. Maybe now I won't feel so damned alone.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Julius' Birthday

Well, it's official. I'm the mother of a teenager. As of Friday, March 20, 1:36pm, Julius turned 13. (I always thought it was fitting that he was born on the first day of Spring. Had he been born a hour earlier, he would have been a Pisces and technically born in the winter.) Anyway. I don't feel old enough to have a kid that old. All of the sudden he's into friends and talking on the phone, and can stare at his MySpace page for hours. I am now treading the fine delicate balance between allowing him enough freedom to figure himself out and allowing him too much freedom so he finds himself in trouble. Being a mom is tough, but fun. Julius is now using his wit and charm to dazzle his math teacher.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Child Abuse

So I was just looking at facebook. A number of my "friends" from high school had commented on the recent news reporting of a common theme: boyfriend beats up his girlfriend and her child/ren, then child/ren dies. Those of us in "the business" know it well enough. There's been research... infanticide is highest among "stepfathers." Scores an automatic 10 in #10. But now to my point. Everyone's comment is how angry they are, and how the males want to hurt the CP like he hurt the child, and how the CP will get his when he's in jail. Responding to violence with more violence. Hmmm.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Can't wait!

My husband and I watched Back to the Future II the other night. Love the series... Love Michael J Fox. Then I started doing the math. Doc Brown and Marty dash off in the flying Delorian to the future. There are hover boards, flying cars, and 3D holo-gram movie ads. People wear coats that dry themselves and adjust for length. Women wear shiny spandex, men wear two ties, and kids wear CDs on their heads. Lights turn on by voice and doors require fingerprints to open. You charge things by fingerprint too. Ooh, and the Cubs win the World Series! And when should we expect all of this wonderfulness? In about 6 years! I can't wait for 2015!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

A moment of Silence

I just want to take a quick moment to mourn the passing of real animation. I miss hand-drawn animation. Cells that truly qualify as art. Pay attention to the backgrounds the next time you watch Sleeping Beauty. I miss soundtracks so good it wins Oscars and Grammies and you hear it in karaoke. Superstars used to sing the releases. And they were original songs written just for the movie. Sure, there were too many white people and too few mothers, but the solution to that is a little cultural sensitivity, not scrapping the art form all together.

Don't get me wrong, I'm into digital animation as it's own art form, but it doesn't have to replace drawings entirely. And the new Disney stuff (minus Pixar) is only a dusting off of old titles. No new characters, no good story lines, no good music, straight to DVD to keep the 3 year old set happy. It's sad. I miss the old Disney Execs who knew what it meant to those of us who care.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Happy Birthday Olivia

So I don't blog much anymore and it saddens me. There are quite a few reasons why, so I can't just blindly blame facebook, although I often lack the time for fully formed paragraphs and facebook doesn't even require a fully formed thought. There's my recent health-wierdness. At first, it was new and fascinating and a little scary, but now it's old and a bit pathetic and I can't help but feel whiny. I just may have to live this way for years. Life sucks sometimes. Not much else to say. Then, I did go for about a month where I could literally only stay awake long enough to get through work, so by "too busy" to blog, I meant I was asleep 12 hours each night (glad that's over). Now, Julius is occupied with all things social and is on my computer, and when he's not my husband is. So by the time I get my computer, it's late and I'm sleepy (I still really need to go to bed at 9 although I rarely do) and don't feel like being witty. So, pretty much: I'm boring and whiny, I lack the time and materials to blog, but now I have something worth writing about.

My daughter turned 11 today! Woah.

I asked her... "Wow, Olivia, you're 11 now. How'd that happen?" She replied, "I didn't die." Ba-dum-ba. Anyway, it's odd to see your kids grow up. It's good that she still likes being a little girl, she thinks I'm cool, and isn't into womanly things (i.e. boys, bras and makeup). She hangs out with the boys in class a lot because they have more in common at this point. But it is happening... the whole separation thing. I watched Oliva ride off into the neighborhood on her new bike today because she couldn't wait to show her friends and talk about the weekend plans. Aside from looking both ways before crossing, she didn't look back. It's a good thing, it's just different. When she was little, she would ride down a little and turn around to see if I was watching her and to properly praise her for riding so well. Julius spent the entire day on two phones because his social life is now the center of his world. With a kid his age, a mom has to pay close attention or she'll miss the little signs that say she's still needed, otherwise she liable to fall into his independence ruse. But it's a good thing. I may complain a lot but I still believe... what ever age they are is the best age.

One last thing, and it must be documented for posterity: Julius gave Olivia a hug today for her birthday before they went to bed. Awwww.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Things that make you go hmmm...

I wonder what Bush is doing on his last night in the White House?

Survey Time:

You're the most hated president ever, and you're about to leave office. How would you spend your last night?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Jungbauer's Shiny New Year

The Jungbauer Party did not disappoint, as usual. That family knows how to have a good time. The usual happened... great food when we got there, more great food after midnight. Music, dancing, and German drinking songs. Dinner for One, champaign and poppers at midnight. This year Lana and I dressed up... and we weren't the only ones. Bedazzled mini dress, fur shrug, and metallic silver boots. I can only hope to be that adventurous when I'm 60. Half-way through, Ryan's camera errored and erased his memory card, so we don't have as many pics... but here's some of my fav's.
Fun with Poppers
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Deville
Anyone else see the monkey making moves on my husband?
Awsome team