Friday, April 10, 2009

What stage of grief is anger?

I've lost nearly 30 lbs. since August. Woah. Thirty Pounds. I barely move anymore, but I also barely eat anymore, so it took 30 lbs to actually get any smaller (and I'm not really smaller). I bought my first shirt that was a size smaller over the weekend. Funny thing is, I had to buy my other two shirts and two pair of pants the usual size cause I haven't shrunk that much. What is really sad is that the last time I weighed this, I was two sizes smaller. It's hard to get my head around. More so, it's hard to get excited. I'm more into working on self-acceptance, and those people (of all sizes) who would rather be sick than fat annoy me. If I talk about this (weird weight-loss) out loud, I get congratulations (fair enough I guess), but I've had people call me lucky. I'm in constant pain and I'm scared shitless, but I'm lucky. I'm losing weight without doing anything, so I'm not really getting smaller, so I've lost 30 lbs of muscle, and when I do start taking off fat it will likely leave behind nasty bags of elephant skin, but I'm lucky. Oh yea, and when I am a smaller, nasty, baggy, wrinkly, elephantine looking Jen, I'll still have a chronic illness. Someone else can be lucky, I'd rather be fat.

No comments: