Jennifer is a Whiiiiiiiiiner

It almost always seems to happen that when I feel so much that I need to blog about it, it changes. I did so much better today. Although as I write this my back aches a little more and I've probably just jinxed myself.

Good news. Partigras is appearing at The Taste of Downtown, courtesy of Easley Winery. Mad props to stellar wine makers and wine seller Janice!

Tired and Scared

I started writing this to my daily strength buddy, but decided I was really journaling, so here it belongs.
I see my doc in a week. Hopefully there will be something to report. I've noticed more cognitive things... aphasia, spatial awareness, confusion. Only enough that I, or someone who pays attention, would notice. Instead of saying Pinball, I said, "we can play, you know, that game, flippers on the sides, lights, bing bing, ball" then someone in the meeting got it. It's like random games of Password. I have new bruises all over my legs from running into my desk. Yes, I've always been a klutz, but this is different. I'm not tripping on anything, I'm just barely making the edge of a desk or something and glancing the edge. And I get these moments where I completely forget what is going on... thinking to myself "I'm looking at a stack of paper, I had a reason to go to it, Oh yea, I needed to find a paper, what paper, um, it was for Tanya, okay, what did I need for Tanya, um, um, she's waiting on me and I don't remember what I'm looking for, God this is scary oh, it was X in that stack over there." I have even forgotten again when I got to the second stack. I just stopped a moment to think about how many times it happens, but I don't really know. I can only think of a few times where I had that thought process, but I know I've had the moments of being lost but it wasn't in the middle of something where someone was watching and I had to "perform." I have a really hard time reading, and that's a big part of my job. Something about reading the narrative about the home visit, don't know if it's the eye movement, tilt of the head, engaging the brain for comprehension, or what, but within 10 minutes my HA goes from 5 to 8. So, I now reprint the narratives in 18pt font on soft yellow paper. Just started on Monday and it seems to help some. Otherwise, I'm not sure how I'm going to keep up (I have a new employee starting on Monday and one coming off maternity leave the following week). It's hard to be in the position to have to decide if you are able to continue to work when you really want to continue. I'm going to hold on as long as I possibly can and hope it will get better. I love my job too much, I need the insurance, and my family needs the income. My doc will have an answer because he has to.

I gots a Blog!... Well, Another One!

I finally started the facepainting blog... link's on the side bar... everyone needs to check it out... send links to everyone they know... and send us some bidness!!! Like Ryan said today, "When the going gets tough, the tough go Pro."

Wed. Night White People Group

I'm a little proud of myself right about now.

I've got the amiable personality, so I'll put my feelings and opinions aside when dealing with others. What I think has nothing to do with how I treat you or even what I allow you to think of me. What you think of me is really none of my business.

Now, let's add religion. I rarely speak of my personal religious beliefs, unless it is with someone I can have a more theoritical discussion and not a passionate-dogmatic argument. No one person will change another's mind. This is why I usually smile and nod when anyone starts peddling their particular brand of salvation.

Problem is I find it terribly disrespectful. Imagine I walk up to someone who isn't Caucasian, Female, American, Democrat, Heterosexual, Red-Hair-Dyer, Harry Potter Nut-Job, or any other cultural affilitian, and take it upon myself to convince them, unasked, why they should become like me. "Hi, I'm in your neighborhood to invite you to a Wednesday Night group meeting. It is to teach you about being White and to help you overcome the temptations of being Black. Come on down!" It could get me shot. (Why? Because there is nothing wrong with being Black... see the analogy yet?) So, why then is it okay and presumed necessary for some Christians to insult in a similar manner?

So now what brought me to this rant. I belong to a support group for people that have my disease. It's actually been really wonderful. I would reccommend everyone check out Daily Strenth (it's on my side-bar >>>) there's something for everyone. Well, we have a new member. A lady who has a 9 year old daughter who has been recently diagnosed. She posted asking a few questions and I was the first to answer. We are all very supportive and help each other. Today she sent me an email through the group asking more questions about medicine side effects, and then proceded to write a book about Jesus, how she was lost, how she hopes I find Jesus, and ended a blurb about the "gift of pain" leading to salvation.

How friggin disrespectful!

Normally, I smile and nod, and go about my day. Seriously annoyed, but oh well. This time I did something. I established boundaries. I am so proud! Here's what I wrote back, after I addressed all of the IIH questions:

For me, Daily strengh is a place for support, tolerance, and understanding, and so it is in that spirit that I feel I need to address the remainder of your email. Diversity abounds in the world as well as in this group, so please understand how someone might find religious peddling disrespectful, as I do. I don't believe it was your intent, you seem like a good person. My personal relationship with God is just that: personal.

Then I went on to talk about her daughter's health again and wish her well. No ill will, just some personal boundaries. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Career Change!

And while anyone who already knows may think I am speaking of my husband who lost his job last week, I'm not talking about him. I had so much fun painting those kids on Friday. My head was okay. The heat wasn't so bad until the sun moved, and even that wasn't too bad. And it's something I'm good at and can get better at. It's a shame I need insurance. And steady income. And I like my coworkers. And I need something to do everyday. But one day I will be able to book some work! One day!

Truth in Advertising?

The Banana Boat commercial depicts a yellow umbrella (much like the insurance company, but theirs is red). This umbrella, I presume, is to illustrate how the banana boat line of suncare products protects us from the sun, much like the shade from a big yellow umbrella would if it were constantly floating overhead. Problem: none of the umbrellas pictured actually provided any shade, therefore protection, from the sun. Would this be subliminal or Freudian truth in advertising?

Just a thought, I'm going back to bed now.
Bax out.

And So are the Days of Our Lives

Shit, spoke too soon. Wouldn't you know it, the very next day I began to feel worse, and it's been a steady downhill since. Doesn't help I've had a parade of people trying thier damndest to raise my BP so the dome of my skull explodes and my eyeballs pop out of my head like some cartoon. I think I may need to excuse myself from all family functions for the rest of my life.

My eye appt went well, which means nothing is damaged, but I still have the papilledima. This is good news. Although I now wonder when I will reach the ceiling of the effectiveness or safety in dosing of my meds. I'm now noticing a pattern with my meds, and I bet he can only increase my doses just so much. We'll just have to wait and see.

Odd bit of happenings occurred over the weekend. Julius asked me to hang out with him. I had to take Olivia to a friend's house for a sleep-over, and Julius asked me if I wanted to go skateboarding with him. I said I'd love to, even though my head hurt cause this never happens, as long as I didn't have to do the skateboarding. We went to the elementary school parking lot, stayed for a little over an hour, and it was good.