Wouldn't you like to be a blogger to?

My husband wanted to jump on the blogging band wagon. So... everyone check out Ryan's blog and leave him a welcome comment... it'll make him happy.

Warning: Science and Sexual Content

Audie molted again last night and now she has wings!!! It's very exciting. She's huge, like 3 inches long in the body, not counting her legs. Although, I am now seeing how she's related to the cockroach... it's something about her abdomen that really resembles a roach. So get this... praying mantids are known for the female eating the male after mating. Actually they often eat them during the act! She'll grab him, whip him around, and bite his head off in one swoop. Lucky for him, or not so lucky, a second "brain" is located in his abdomen so he can still get busy without a head. He just hops back on and finishes the job. Now that's dedication to satisfying his woman! If she doesn't finish eating him when he's done, he will wander around headless until he starves to death or until something else eats him. Talk about battle of the sexes! Nature can be a cruel mistress.

So, now that she's the size of Mothra (well, almost), I think it's time for a new tank. Tonight we went to Uncle Bill's to scope out her new digs. The thing is, a mantis needs height to be happy, so we have to get something taller. The cheapest we found at Uncle Bills was $89! Let me repeat: Eighty-nine dollar house for a bug to live in! There's one that is better at another pet shop that's *only* $50. She's becoming very expensive. And, there was a Jonesborough-style massacre in the cricket hut. We bought two dozen crickets last weekend and they are all dead! Every single one of them. I almost expected to see little purple blankets covering them, a la Heaven's Gate. So on tonight's menu... meal worm... "slimy, yet satisfying." (Bonus points to the friend who can name the movie that's quoted from!) I hope she notices it in there before it disappears forever into the ground-cover. I imagine the cat will be in trouble if she doesn't eat something soon.

Exercise Nazis from LA

So we joined a gym. Ryan and I went to L A Fitness on Sunday and signed up. I was so psyched. That is, until we had our meeting with the trainer for a "fitness assessment." Notice the quotation marks... they may call it a fitness assessment, but it is actually CIA-approved torture designed to weaken the will so as to be more susceptible to the high-pressure sales. I am still in quite large amounts of pain from the beating we suffered. Seriously, he had us do too much, especially when you consider how inactive we are. The worst part is, we allowed it.

Big fun at the Jones'

We went to Lana's house yesterday and had so much fun. Lana, Olivia, and I practiced face painting. Ryan and David played video games. Then we all played Rock Band! Olivia is so good at it... guitar and drums. The kids go to their father's house today for two weeks. I'll miss them, but I must admit I don't know how married parents do it. I enjoy the time off and actually desperately need it right now.

Death-watch update

News Flash: there has been a miraculous recovery in my garden! Instead of three ground-cover deaths, there were actually only 2.5! Literally, one half of the plant is white and crispy, the other is green and lush. What's up with that? And with the recent storms, my lilies are perking up, if only a little (just about the only silver lining to the weather lately).

I've found my calling

We went to Ryan's family reunion this weekend. I love his family! The cool thing is I got my first real-world test-drive of the new face paint. VERY COOL! I absolutely love this stuff and the kids had a ball (I have to do something to compete with the cool new aunt!!!). It was so much fun and I was able to see two problems: paint near the mouth doesn't hold up for long, and it took me over an hour to do 11 faces. So... we'll have to stay away from the mouths and work quicker, boy I need to practice. But I do love this stuff. I really think Lana and I could get into this... So if I get fired for not meeting productivity standards, I have something to fall back on!
On a sadder note... my day-lillies are all still droopy and three of my ground-cover plants have died. My mother-in-law gave me some advice, but I have to wait for the weekend to do anything. Hopefully they can hold out... I've been saying to them "don't you die on me!" because it works in the movies!

Long time between posts...

To my avid and usually silent readers, I apologize. Been very busy at home. To update: I have not killed Julius... He is doing much better and his sister has picked up the torch in his stead. She is now an emotional, attitude-y mess who loves to push my buttons. My cousin has moved out and I'm in the process of reclaiming my home, purging the remenants of the previous owners. I even gardened over the weekend! First time ever and I'm soo sore. I just hope the new garden fares better than every houseplant I've ever owned. We had the evil maple tree cut down... no more sewage should be backing up into my living room! (see before and after pics... the white gutters will make more sense when the house isn't scab-red!) We've also cleaned out the downstairs bedrooms and re-organized. It's very tiring but rewarding. Let's see... We played the ponies (Not to be confused with pony-play!!! Ha ha, Tanya) at Churchill Downs, lost the farm, but had a ball. Softball season is in full swing. Olivia is now with a bunch of pre-teens, and I swear they are cycling together. The last game had three players leaving in tears and an untold number of parents pissed off at their little girls. (Thankfully, Olivia had her tantrum before the game). Ryan took pictures at Nina's wedding, which was so fun. I'm so glad we were invited. Now I just have to light the fire under him to get them all edited. And, indy.org is using some of his pictures without permission for their Garfield park listing... but it's cool that they liked them enough to steal them. My best friend just graduated from law school and will be a menace to courtrooms everywhere! You go girl! And finally, we have a new addition to the family... Audie the Praying Mantis. Carnivore bugs are way-cool.